It hit me one day as I innocently scrolled my chaotic algorithm filled with celebrity style, parenting advice, astrology, Jonathan Anderson’s Dior & Emma Chamberlain’s new coffee shop. Somehow that all actually works together, effortlessly describing my personality on a vanity level. But that particular day, the distinct difference between envying the effortless youth of Emma’s eclectic style to finding comfort in Margot Robbie’s mature Chanel red carpet look literally flipped a switch in my brain.
Since that moment - and primarily since Emma co-hosted this year’s Met Gala back in May - I’ve realized how many women my age have absolutely no idea who Emma Chamberlain is. The shortest explanation is ‘a 25 year-old YouTube sensation turned fashionista-it-girl-icon’. Classic story in these wild times. And once you notice her existence, she pops up everywhere.
Now, if I have to explain who Margot Robbie is, this rambling may not be for you in the first place. Jokes aside, the intensely gorgeous A-list actress is 36 years old and a new(ish) mom. The contrast between the two aesthetically is easy to see upon a simple Google search, but that’s not what hit me the day one followed the other on a typical afternoon scroll.
There are so many conversations centered around personal style. Women want to know what their personal style is - how to get it, where to find it, how to shop for it - I’m as guilty of that as the next. But as our society remains chronically online, being fed what we react to or search, I’m finding it more and more important to be careful on how those factors impact our actions and thoughts. Shopping habits included.
Algorithms have blurred the lines between product and aspirations. We all want (need) clothes, but the constant stream of unpacking videos creates a continual keeping-up-with-the-Jones’ atmosphere. New trends promise a new you, a better day, an easier morning, longer hair, improved style, an aesthetic home. What about being content? What happens when you’re 35, 40, 50 and the identity crisis of a 22 year-old keeps fogging the mirror?
Going from Emma’s snappy, fun aesthetic to Margot’s calm, effective style made me pause. I thought, wow, ok. Why does this feel so refreshing? So inspiring in a realistic way? When in reality, that exact outfit is completely unrealistic, budget-wise. The scoop neck top is reminiscent of a simpler Millennial time. The sheer fabric caters towards a modern trend, the history making jeans that aren’t actually jeans at all. That chunky chain-strap bag. All very curated, beautiful, new, yet familiar.
The comforting, or relatable feeling with Margot may stem from the simple knowing of the outfit. I’ve seen it… heck, I’ve worn it. I know it works. Won’t it always work in some way? That inspires confidence. With Emma, I’m constantly trying to keep up. Almost every video or photo gallery I immerse myself in teaching me something new. Noticing a new trend. Feeling a bit old and tired when comparing our wardrobe options. That inspires curiosity. Her quirkiness is what my teenage self always strived for and possibly achieved once in a while on a Forever 21 budget. But that’s also when spending hours styling tomorrow’s outfit was my late night hobby. When reinventing myself each day was the actual process of finding myself.
I envy Emma’s style and gain inspiration from how she curates her look, but I also get fatigued in trying to emulate her energy and her youthfulness. While she has a certain demeanor about her, she’s also consistently reinventing herself. As you should at 25. As you should at 36. And beyond for that matter. However, with Margot, her style may pivot, but there’s always an underlying assurance of who she is.
When I apply this all to the idea of finding one’s personal style - again, something I hear over and over - I start to think maybe we’re approaching inspiration all wrong. Inspiration from everywhere, all ages, all cities, all demographics, is a great thing. We’re spoiled by it online. It is a great thing until we take it too literally. Sometimes these outfits are meant to be just that - inspirational. That doesn’t mean it has to be your outfit. Push yourself out of your limits, but also support yourself in your real circumstance.
Personal style will, in fact, evolve. Age absolutely plays a role in this, maybe not in the way typically thought. Maybe age has more to do with the way inspiration functions within our personal style, than with the style itself. Emma is still very much experimenting. Margot is editing. One wondering what else there is to try, the other knowing what works without sacrificing evolution.
Turns out, “finding one’s personal style” is no linear journey. There may not even be a true destination. I’m now looking at it as something much more layered, considering age as a huge factor. Age has always, absolutely impacted the way people dress. I just don’t think it’s swapping American Eagle for Talbots anymore. We have an insane amount of noise contributing to our decisions in today’s tech-lead world so evolution is inevitable. But with age comes intention, confidence, acceptance and it’s ok to ditch the idea of constant experimentation with intentional evolution.
Intentional evolution would mean shopping, and choosing, with a better understanding of yourself. Choosing something because you love it, not because someone convinced you you need it. Participating in trends with confidence, adding something new into your wardrobe in a way that works for you, not always reinventing the wheel. And eventually, the cohesive wardrobe of “you” will begin to make more sense.
Eventually, you don’t have to satisfy an imagined version of yourself anymore. That may be as close to finding personal style as some of us get. Which I find more reassuring than any other answer.